A Morning Wake-Up Call
These two concepts—acceptance and approval—have been part of an ongoing personal journey for me. This morning, I listened to an episode of The Voice of Intuition podcast with Laura Alden Kamm…for the second time…and something clicked. Life is a profound teacher, and we’re lucky to have so many different kinds of guides along the way… podcasts included.
The Quote That Stopped Me in My Tracks
As I was walking the dogs yesterday, one message in the episode stood out so strongly that I literally stopped in my tracks, paused the podcast, and pulled up the transcript to screenshot the words:
“Acceptance doesn’t mean approval, and that’s important to repeat.
Acceptance does not mean approval.
It means peace with what is—and more importantly, where you are now.”
I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It felt like a thread I had to follow. And when I listened to this episode again it resonated even more.
Kevin and Cancer: Accepting Without Approving
As I kept walking, I thought of Kevin and his cancer diagnosis. For the longest time, I could not accept it. My mind kept looping: Why him? Why this? Why now? I couldn’t understand it, and I kept circling in my thoughts and emotions, desperately searching for meaning.
But in hearing Laura's words, I realized—I have, in some way, come to accept that Kevin has cancer. That this is our reality.
I don’t approve or disapprove because doing so gives it too much power. Approval lives in a binary of right and wrong, good and bad—and that framework doesn’t bring me peace. It drains me. So instead, I give my energy to acceptance…and love to Kevin, to our boys, and to healing.
Acceptance has not made Kevin’s cancer less serious, but it has brought me more peace. It’s helped me be present. I may never know why this happened—and that’s okay. And that’s where I find freedom.
Accepting Others Without Needing to Understand
This idea applies beyond illness. It’s true in friendships, family dynamics, and really, any relationship. There have been moments in my life when I just couldn’t understand why someone acted the way they did. We are all so complex, and our choices are often shaped by layers of nuance and personal history. The truth is, we may never fully understand why certain things happen, and that’s where acceptance comes in.
In these moments, there’s no space for approval. To me, approval doesn’t feel peaceful—it feels restrictive and controlling. When I used to fall into the approval trap, as if I held some kind of moral high ground, negativity and anxiety would continue to orbit around me...and the rumination would not stop.
I’ve learned to release and let go…to accept that some things I will never understand and that’s ok. There’s peace in release and acceptance.
Boundaries Are Part of Acceptance Too
This doesn’t mean accepting harmful behavior. Not at all. Accepting that someone acted a certain way doesn’t mean making excuses for them. We can acknowledge hurt without letting it repeat. Boundaries aren’t about disapproval—they’re about self-respect.
We can say: I accept that this happened. I don’t need to understand the “why” or approve of it. But I will no longer allow it.
That is power rooted in peace, not punishment.
When We’re the Ones Who’ve Messed Up
Acceptance also asks us to turn inward when we’re the ones who’ve hurt someone. This part is hard. It’s human nature to want to avoid shame or guilt, but growth lives on the other side of self-honesty.
This is the gritty part of life, the part where we can’t hide from ourselves… though many of us do. The truth is, we’re the only ones who truly know why we acted the way we did. And if we don’t yet understand, then the work is to keep showing up, to keep learning about ourselves, so we don’t repeat the same harmful patterns.
Sometimes, the person we’ve hurt doesn’t want to repair—and that’s their right. But our work is still to accept what happened, what we did, take responsibility, and learn. Again, not to approve of our actions, but to meet ourselves honestly and accept that we are perfectly imperfect too.
I firmly believe that when we do the work to heal and understand ourselves, that healing ripples outward—touching our families, our communities, and even the world.
Approval Is an Outside Job—Acceptance Is an Inside One
Here’s what finally crystallized for me after listening to this podcast and mulling things over:
Approval is something we seek from others.
Acceptance is something we cultivate within.
Approval is about others validating us—parents, teachers, coaches, friends, family. It's someone saying, “Yes, that’s a good idea,” or “No, don’t do that.” Sometimes that feedback is helpful—but if we constantly seek approval from outside of ourselves, then we slowly erode our inner voice…our intuition and inner knowing about what is best for us.
The only person we need to approve of is ourselves…it’s about trusting ourselves. If we don’t learn to approve of ourselves, we outsource our self-worth. And when we do that, we start to project that same need onto others. Approval becomes a quiet performance, a hierarchy. You can feel it: the nods, the judgment, the subtle disapproval. We’ve all felt that and we’ve all projected that onto others.
Approval often stems from old systems—patriarchy, hierarchy, paternalism. It’s rooted in the idea that those with more authority or age automatically "know better." And yes, wisdom comes with experience—but it doesn’t make someone a better judge of your life. That job belongs to you.
Approval has its place in the world, but not in terms of understanding ourselves and others. Approval is needed in decision making of other kinds, but not when it comes to relationships, personal growth, or the experiences that shape us.
Practicing Self-Trust in Small Ways
I heard this idea on another podcast…start small, be aware of how you feel, pivot as needed and trust yourself. You can start building this muscle in small moments like these:
What do you want to eat?
Do you really want to go out tonight?
What book are you drawn to next?
As you start trusting yourself with the little things, it becomes easier to stand in your truth when the big stuff arises.
We Can’t Control Everything—But We Can Choose How We Respond
Some things are simply out of our control.
Kevin’s cancer.
Other people’s choices.
The fact that one day, we will all die.
The rising of the sun.
The list is endless…
None of these require approval. They just are. And in accepting them, we free ourselves to live now—in the messy, beautiful, mysterious present.
Final Thought
Acceptance is not weakness. It’s not giving up. It’s a deep, wise, grounded strength.
It says: I don’t have to understand this. I don’t have to approve of it. But I can meet it as it is, and choose how to respond from a place of peace, not pressure.
Approval seeks control or validation. Acceptance offers freedom.
And that, to me, is peace.
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